YES, I TAKE REQUESTS

I've had a couple of Smokin' Joe followers ask my take on a couple of things lately. Specifically, one wanted to know what I think of Glenn Beck, and the other wanted my predictions on the upcoming NASCAR season.
I'll start with NASCAR.
I think there's about to be a NASCAR revival. I love the sport and I've even thought the last couple of campaigns were lacking. But lo and behold NASCAR's dictator Brian France--NASCZAR if you'll allow me the indulgence--has decided to do something I've been screaming for for two years, and that's a return to the sport's roots. He won't go as far as ditching the Chase format points system and taking races back to North Wilkesboro, but he is moving the starting times back to 1 EST like they should be, and the wing that nobody but me seems to like is going to be replaced by an actual spoiler. NASCAR is also ditching their crackdown on dangerous driving, i.e. bumpdrafting. I guess they figured out that driving 180 in a family car is dangerous enough. They've also decided to open up the restrictor plates that they put on the cars at Daytona and Talladega to slow the cars down. Now their way of thinking is to let them go a bit faster and spread out.
Bottom line is that things should be a little less cut and dried, and that there should be more emphasis on putting on a good show for fans this season, so I think NASCAR might be a nice Sunday afternoon distraction in 2010.
Now to Glenn Beck.
I have about as much use for Glenn Beck as I do for serpents, self-ordained ministers, or foul air. It's appropriate that he falls in with this group because you could make the argument that Beck can be considered any of the other three.
Glenn Beck is Rush Limbaugh on steroids. In fact this is what Rush Limbaugh would have been if he had festered into being in front of a camera instead of behind a mic. Beck has his bully pulpit on the FOX News Channel and never misses the chance to spread a little more panic and hate when the opportunity arises. The scary part is that his program draws more viewers in his time slot than all his competitors on the other news networks combined.
I think Glenn Beck was born about 100 years too late, and in the wrong country. If some lass of fine German stock had squeezed little Glenn into being in the early part of the 20th century I have no doubt that he would have pledged his oath to the swastika and would have went to work in Hitler's propaganda machine. He just looks like he would make such a good Nazi. But don't take my word for it, just look at the jacket for his book, ARGUING WITH IDIOTS. If that's not almost a Nazi getup I don't know what is. I guess he had his wife snap some photos when he got home from his last party meeting.

The Smokin' Joe Book Review: UNDER THE DOME

If you know me much at all then you know I'm a great fan of writer Stephen King. Even though he's one of my favorite authors I'm the first to admit that his last few novels haven't been as good as I'd come to expect. I figured his best works were behind him, and I was OK with that because even his sub-par stuff still makes a good read.
Now I'm changing my tune because I've just finished reading his latest tome, UNDER THE DOME.
UNDER THE DOME is classic King. It's set in a small town with a rich population of characters, and like all of King's best work some of the central characters are children. I've said for years that Stephen King puts a voice to children and young people better than any scribe in the game and this book proves that. It also proves that King is a small town guy at heart, and gets what goes on in real America. This time the town is Chester's Mill, Maine, and it has all the sorts of folks you find in real small towns: the town drunk, bullies, crooked politicians, and people you can identify with.
Like any good King book this one is long and involved. Covering a short span of time in Chester's Mill the book still manages to encompass almost 1,100 pages, but you'd actually wish for a couple of hundred more. It's really that good.
I still consider King's 'five star' novels to be THE STAND, IT, and the GUNSLINGER series, but I'm going to have to expand that roll by one. UNDER THE DOME is not only King's best book in recent memory, it's probably one of the five best he's ever written.
Read this book! You won't be disappointed.

TECHNOLOGY AIN'T WORTH A DAMN

This is 2010, we're a tenth of the way through the 21st century, and we still can't get the really important things right.
We've put a man on the moon, we can send space probes half-a-billion miles to some other planet and land them more or less where we want, we have the World Wide Web, cars that monitor the driver, TVs with 200 HD channels, and a host of other technological marvels. Why is it then that I can't find a freakin' can-opener that's worth having?
I've tried them all. I think I'm obsessed with finding the perfect can-opener. I've ordered them from TV that only nip the sides of the top of the can. It was a piece of crap. You had to turn it backward and it seemed to be designed for lefties. I had a nice electric model that I bought at K-Mart that lasted about 6 months and then just quit working. I used to have a crank model mounted on the wall over the sink that worked for about 20 years, but I can't find another one. My latest model was a nice black and silver hand held model from Walmart. It's junk. It quit working after about 50 cans.
Now I'm reduced to using my $6.97 Walmart model to snip the lids off the cans a bit at at time.
Why won't somebody fix this problem? Can-openers are just the tip of the iceberg where ill-operating conveniences are concerned, but it's one that glares at me because I encounter it every day.
Instead of issuing a grant to some egghead to figure out why stars twinkle or why dogs sniff their butts maybe the government will fund a design contest to fix this can-opener crap.
And btw, why don't all cans just have pull tops? This is 2010 after all.

THINGS THAT BOTHER ME!

First, I'm tired of the fact that I'm considered a 'sub standard' person because I don't beat the doors of the church down every time they open. You know why? It's because of the hypocrites that populate them. Most churches are social clubs and places for people to make business contacts. Oh, and a place for over-the-hill skanks to go to trick decent men into raising their hoard of kids that they don't know who the dads are. Also a good place for scumbags and mooches to go to get a handout and a pat on the back.
Second, I'm tired of getting passed over for jobs where I'm the most qualified candidate simply because I'm neither a female nor a minority. I'm sorry, but I thought it was illegal to discriminate against someone because of their skin color, and I assumed that included white men too, but I was wrong. Also, a single mother who can't keep her legs shut and has put a troop of kids on the government entitlement rolls isn't any more qualified than me for a job, unless it's in a whore house. I shouldn't be punished because she's too stupid to take the pill and too slutty to care. Sure, she obviously needs the work, but I do too and shouldn't be punished because I'm not a skank.
Third, when did this area get so damned superficial? I'd love to go out and have fun with my friends, but most of the bars/clubs in Bowling Green now find me either too old or too 'rough looking' to let me in. Pardon me if I'm wrong, but isn't it against the law to discriminate against serving someone? Oh yeah, that's for minorities, not white men. And of course if I had a $50 to drop in some bouncers hand I'd instantly be good enough to get in.
I'm tired of being treated like I'm not as good as my neighbors simply because of my looks and beliefs. Just because I don't go to your church doesn't mean you're better than me. It means you give more money to the church every year than I do but nothing else. If you get a job it doesn't mean you're better than me. It means you filled a damn quota or looked like a sure piece of ass to the people doing the hiring. Finally, just because you look better than me doesn't mean you are better than me. I guess it means that your genes lined up differently than me and made you look hot and made me big and ugly. It shouldn't be a measure of my worth as a person simply because I don't look like I just walked out of an Abercrombie ad or off the set of JERSEY SHORE or the OC.
If this pisses you off, fine, join the club. I pretty well stay pissed off about this stuff but that's not important because I'm not one of the 'acceptable' people that lives around here.

NOTE: I AM NOT DOWNING SINGLE MOTHERS. I am downing skanks that have kids to raise their entitlement and think the fact that they spit out kids for sport means they should be treated as something special. Single moms are awesome, they do the job of two parents and usually do it pretty well. Skanks that don't know how to keep their legs shut make life harder for them and everyone that pays taxes!

Pat Robertson: Zealot, Nutjob, Patriot!?!

PAT ROBERTSON is a dangerous man. Seriously, he is. This is a guy that subsidizes his dubious political theories and beliefs by claiming that they are "God delivered" and taken straight out of the pages of the Bible.
Robertson's latest outrage is his proclamation that the earthquake in Haiti was God's will and punishment for Haiti's Pact with the Devil to remove the French from their country. I'm not making this up folks, here's video to prove it.

OK, I object to this on multiple levels. First, my God doesn't punish the innocent for the sins of the misguided. Second, even if this were the case these people, and their families, need hope as much as they need help right now. Proclaiming that you're cursed by the Almighty doesn't seem like a really hopeful message to send. Third, if you're pretending to be collecting aid for the victims how can this be a message that will urge people to donate?

Pat Robertson is a nut and he's dangerous. He has deluded political ideas and justifies his stances with the Bible. I'm not naive enough to think that the Bible is apolitical, but I don't think it should be carried around in a holster and drawn whenever you meet some opposition to your agenda. I might be in the minority, but my political beliefs are summed up in the Constitution of the United States of America and a few other notable documents. My religious beliefs stem from the Bible, although I don't take it as the literal word of God. I keep one on the bookshelf and one on the nightstand and don't mix the two. I think our country would be better off if we let the Bible steer our hearts and the Constitution guide our politics.

I JUST CAN'T GET GOING. . .

I just can't get going on this blog. I actually have some things on my mind, but I don't want to come across as a crank or a bitter, middle aged man.
I do think there's one thing we can agree on, and that is that Pat Robertson is a nut, so go on to my next post and we'll vent.

I'M BACK

Howdy.
I've done a miserable job of posting for the last two weeks or so. The reason is simple, I really haven't had much to say.
I know that if you know me that's hard to believe, but January is such a crappy, BLAH month that my mind has been sort of running at a slow idle. Be relieved however, I'm starting to pick up some speed as February gets closer and some things have finally come to mind that I'd like to spout off a bit about.
Since I'm roughly 13 or so posts behind on my quest to do 365 in a year I'll be dropping some Smokin' Joe words of wisdom this evening and tonight, and hopefully it will spur me to keep at it.
So keep checking back in the next few hours to find out what's on my mind. Just to tease you a bit I plan on ranting some on; Pat Robertson, Brett Favre, Conan O'Brien, Lane Kiffin, the weather, UK Hoops, the NFL, and any number of other things.
So stay tuned.